WICKED! What exactly are we supposed to do with the Wicked Son?

The  Haggadah speaks of Four Sons: the wise, the wicked, the simple and the one who does not know how to ask. “The wicked one says: what is this service of yours?”

And with that little comment of his the Rabbis ask us not to hold back our condemnation at such a provocative statement, to unleash our anger – almost, indeed, to “pour out our wrath” upon him:

”since he excludes himself from the community, showing that he rejects the main principle of Faith you should also make him feel uncomfortable (literally “knock out his teeth”) by quoting:

This (the Redemption from Egypt)  is done because of that which   the Lord did  to me when I came out of Egypt!  (Exodus 13:18)

ME and not HIM!

Because if he had been there, he would not have been saved.”

Harsh words! And many of us may wince  at saying such a thing to one of our children.  The father is instructed to roundly condemn   this  son as both worthless and dangerous. This seemingly casual question he asks is understood traditionally to represent a rejection not only of the Seder, but of God as well.  Hence he   is consigned him to the dustbin of history, left behind in Egypt.

One of the most the most difficult aspects of the father’s response to the wicked son is that he is not given an answer to his question, only an outburst of anger. Whilst this may communicate the required   outrage it neither educates or helps him. The father’s message is clear:  this child is beyond hope. He must be both crushed and silenced, lest he influence his siblings.  This son clearly has great power over everyone at the Seder table.  It is within his remit to destroy everything.

Although many older illustrated Haggadot depict the wicked son as a soldier, as opposed to the wise son studying in yeshiva , it is interesting that many twentieth century Haggadot paint him as whatever modernity means.. So he might be in modern   clothes to contrast with the traditional garb of his wise brother, his props may include a bottle of beer, a cigar, a baseball bat.  If he is reading he will be reading a comic or the racing results. He may be wearing no tie, to denote lack of respect-although in early Zionist Haggadot he is given a tie, to denote his Westernised laziness and unwillingness to  work the land  as a wise son/good Zionist  should!

The problem of the wicked son – representing modernity   as rebellion -  exercised the Rabbis  considerably.    At his feet is laid the  responsibility of the future.  Yet many  contemporary  commentators –including the Chief Rabbi  Jonathan Sacks - have argued that for our generation  it is the fifth son  who  is  not at the Seder  who present a bigger threat. Who is the fifth son now ?  An  estranged son, one who feels he cannot come home,  or  one  who has politely(or impolitely) said no thanks.   Judaism has always struggled with the question of which is the worst danger: rebellion or apathy?  I would argue that  those empty seats around the table are the ones that should worry us more.

We have to do better with the  “wicked” son.. We cannot merely turn him into an outcast,  of family  and community..    It is a short and easy walk out of  the front door  to become the fifth son.  Somehow we  have to  engage with him,  involve him and make him understand  that he is still ours.  He may have excluded himself, but we do not have to exclude him.